A500.4.3.RB_PALUGODCAROLYN

       

When I was in college, I went through a phase of self-discovery and healing.  I experimented
with all types of healing techniques such as acupuncture, reiki, past life regression, hypnosis, yoga, herbal medicine, meditation and pretty much any unconventional methods that would bring me closer to “knowing” myself.  One of these practitioners told me once that there were four aspects of one self.  There was the You that everyone knew including yourself, there was the You that everyone knew except for yourself, there was the You that no one knew except for yourself, and then there was the You that neither you or anyone else knew, which was the You in its purest form, your true self.  Discovering your true self meant bypassing the ego.  The ego is the person we become based on our learned culture, values, beliefs, and fears.  It is a Being collectively created by ourselves and the world around us, but it does not represent the true inner-self.  That is what most eastern practices try and teach us.  Therefore, when we are making choices from the perspective of the ego (which is everyone), our choices are really a conglomeration of our entire surrounding:  friends, family, strangers, experiences, etc.  We learn our beliefs and values from others, from school, and from the media, so are we really making true choices?    We are influenced by everything around us and therefore our choices reflect all these influences.  I am of the belief that in our society, we share a collective mind, one built from the collective thoughts, values and experiences of everyone.  To make a choice that is only your own means to free yourself of the ego.  This requires reflection and intuition and asking yourself why you are making a certain choice.  For example, when purchasing a car, if I decide I want a Volvo I can ask myself “What are my reasons for choosing this car?  Is it because my neighbors seem like really nice people and they happen to drive a Volvo?  Is it because the consumer reports say it’s one of the safest cars?”  Maybe I saw a Volvo in a movie that truly impacted me and made me want a Volvo.  Or maybe I have an affinity for German culture and am drawn to the idea of owning a Volvo.  Ask yourself, are our choices really our own? 

Dr. Iyengar talks about a study that was done that demonstrated that Asian-American children performed better at a series of activities when they thought that the activities were chosen by their mothers (TEDGlobal [TED], 2010).  Dr. Iyengar goes on to  mention that “if they had a concept of being true to one's self, then that self, most likely, [was] composed, not of an individual, but of a collective” (2010).  In American culture, we may not value the opinions or choices of our parents as much as our Asian counterparts; instead our parents have been replaced by role models such as actors, football players, singers and television media as a whole.  I believe that Americans are just as likely to choose based on the collective opinion of the media in general then our own parents and therefore the choice is really never ours. 

 Dr. Iyengar states in her presentation that Americans believe that the more options they have the better the choice (TEDGlobal [TED], 2010).  I believe from my own personal experience, that this is not true.  I personally find many choices to be stressful and confusing.  Just simple things like choosing from a menu.  The more things that are on the menu, the more difficult it is for me to decide.  Dr. Iyengar goes on to say in her presentation that studies show that when people are given more than 10 options, they actually end up making worst decisions (TEDGlobal [TED], 2010).  In fact, sometimes when we are confronted with too many decisions, we can freeze up, rendering us incapable of making any decision.  In an article in the Financial Planning Association website, author David Zuckerman explains:

“Psychological studies have shown that people encounter difficulty objectively evaluating      different options when they have more than about 7 different choices.  Evaluating too many options can be so mentally taxing that people will often become overwhelmed and decide to forego making a decision altogether, a phenomenon known as analysis paralysis” (Zuckerman, 2013). 

Analysis paralysis happens when we over analysis a situation because we are exposed to too many choices or information which eventually renders us unable to make any choice at all.

I used to work for an Indian owned IT firm.  Most of the Indian women I worked for came from very traditional families where their husbands were chosen for them by their parents.  Every single one of my Indian friends told me that given the choice to choose their own husbands, they would still prefer that their parents choose for them.  When I asked them why, they told me that their parents knew them better than anyone and would know what was best for them.  They had also told me that that their more modern Indian counterparts who had been able to choose for themselves ended up in loveless marriages and that women, who had no election, were happily married.  In fact, about 75 percent of Indians prefer arranged marriages, according to a survey called The Taj Wedding Barometer, conducted by the Taj Group of Hotels, Mumbai ("Indians Swear By," 2013).

I think we have a lot to learn from other cultures.  I believe that the American culture of over-consumerism has actually degraded our society and degraded our ability to make intelligent choices. Having too many choices actually affects the satisfaction we experience when making a choice.  Psychologist Barry Schwartz, during one of his live talks, explained this best when he said:
“It’s easy to imagine that you could have made a different choice that would have been better. And what happens is this imagined alternative induces you to regret the decision you made, and this regret subtracts from the satisfaction you get out of the decision you made, even if it was a good decision. The more options there are, the easier it is to regret anything at all that is disappointing about the option that you chose” (TEDGlobal [TED], 2005).

 Barry Schwartz also explains how having so many choices actually escalates our expectations (TEDGlobal [TED], 2005.  The more options we have, the more we expect and the more we expect, the higher the risk of becoming disappointed.  Therefore, choices equal unhappiness. 
Our choice making has dwindled to such superficial levels. 

We waste so much time making superficial choices over what color running shoes to wear, should we serve pork or beef canapés at our party or even which CD to listen to while driving home, that we miss out on so many wonderful spontaneous experiences.  Tuning out of choice-making means stopping to smell the roses and experience the dynamic and ever-changing reality around us.

References
Indians swear by arranged marriages. (2013). Retrieved from http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/indians-swear-by-arranged-marriages/1/252496.html
TEDGlobal. (Producer). (2005). Barry Shwartz: The paradox of choice [Video]. Available from http://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_on_the_paradox_of_choice.html.
TEDGlobal. (Producer). (2010). Sheena Iyengar: The art of choosing [Video]. Available from http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/sheena_iyengar_on_the_art_of_choosing.html.
Zuckerman, D. (2013). Choice overload & analysis paralysis. Retrieved from http://www.fpanet.org/ToolsResources/ArticlesBooksChecklists/Articles/Investments/ChoiceOverloadandAnalysisParalysis/